The moment we've all been waiting for....

Frank McCourt is selling the Dodgers. I'll provide a link to the LA Times story in a moment. But first I want to shout like Howard Dean.



Full Story.

Frank McCourt: your name is now Parasitic Asshole

I'm only happy when I'm bellowing my contempt for Frank McCourt, and I spend more time on my Facebook page than anywhere else doing just that. So a week has gone by since Red China offered $1.2 billion to take the Dodgers off McCourt's hand, and since then McCourt has pretty much stayed out of the news. Well, whatever goes through a smoker's mind and body after a week of cold turkey is happening to me. I'm getting itchy. I need McCourt to perform one of his typically underhanded, self-serving and loathsome acts, so I can tell the world what a parasitic asshole he is.

'Parasitic asshole.' Now that has a nice ring to it. Come to think of it, why can't 'parasitic asshole' be a metonym for Frank McCourt much the same way that, let's say, 'Hollywood' is for the American film industry. You wouldn't say: "I'd rather watch baseball than that crap coming out of the American film industry." That's awkward, so instead you would say: "I'd rather watch baseball than that crap coming out of Hollywood." I envision a day when the following conversation actually takes place:

What's the name of that parking lot guy from Boston?
You mean parasitic asshole?
You know who I'm talking about. The guy who bought the Dodgers.
Yeah. Parasitic asshole.
No. It's Irish sounding. Mc-something...
Parasitic asshole.
Get over it, man. Who pissed in your cheerios?
Parasitic asshole did when he ran the Dodgers into the ground.

But the change has to extend to the mainstream media in order for Parasitic Asshole to have universal acceptance. For instance, the LA Times and other media outlets should be reporting stories in this vein:

Parasitic Asshole was offered $1.2 billion to sell the Los Angeles Dodgers. The all-cash bid came from Bill Burke, founder of the L.A. Marathon, plus Chinese investors and others. Burke and a spokesman for Parasitic Asshole have no comment.

It rolls right off the tongue, don't you think? Watch this clip from The Jerk (this is an example of something from Hollywood that isn't crap), and imagine that the dog in the scene is Frank...er...Parasitic Asshole. You need only watch the first 1:33.

Dodger Stadium parking lot security won't be an issue any more.

The outgoings far exceed the incomings for F. McCourt

Frank McCourt has told the court that he can no longer afford to support Jamie McCourt's extravagant lifestyle, as reported by Steve Dilbeck. Frank claims he paid Jamie $7.76 million over the past year to cover temporary spousal support and maintenance on their seven homes...but that can't continue on his current income.

Note to Frank: there has never been a time when you could afford Jamie's lifestyle.

At any rate, he does make a pretty valid point. If we were to rephrase his request to the court in more casual terms it would sound something like this: "Hey Judge, tell my money-hungry sow of an ex-wife that the party's over. She needs to sell a house or two or three. I can barely afford the room service rate for caviar in my modest Montage suite."

Frank and Jamie are both responsible for the dire financial mess the Dodgers organization is in. Who can say if one is more responsible than the other. That said, for sheer laughs read this quote by one of Jamie's representatives: "It's inexplicable that Frank has single-handedly destroyed the value of the Dodgers in the nearly two years since Jamie was last involved with the team."

The sad part of it all is that Frank can wave all this misery away — the exorbitant cost of litigation, the usurious loan fees, Jamie's divorce lawyers chewing away at his heels, Bud Selig thwarting his every effort to keep the team, the uniform contempt of an entire city, etc. — with a magic wand if he just sold the damn team. But in the face of good judgment, he insists on continuing the war.

Dodgers News & Notes

• How is it that baseball didn't expect Frank McCourt to file Chapter 11? Bud Selig made an egregious blunder when he allowed Fox to sell the Dodgers to McCourt. He might have added to it when he shied away from staging a hostile takeover. But this would have gone strictly against precedent for a league known for sticking to the old ways of doing things, even at a time when one of it's most glorious franchises edges near financial collapse. Full story here.

• Steve Dilbeck ponders why McCourt continues to employ Steve Garvey while the latter assembles a group to purchase the Dodgers? It's a a mystery that "rates slightly behind Charlie Sheen taking steroids for a baseball movie." Full story here.

• The other potential suitor is a Dodger Stadium fixture too. Unlike Garv, he pays a small ransom to be be there. With an impressive list of credentials that includes a coaching stint with the San Fernando Orioles, you better believe Dennis Gilbert warrants serious consideration. Full story here. 

Frankrupt!

Frank McCourt doesn't need you...he doesn't need anything! Except this ashtray, this paddle game and this remote control...

Another weiner makes the news

At the risk of offending Juan Banda and Farmer John and perhaps even getting my head caved in, I know a lot of people — Dodger fans among them — who would rather eat their own feces than eat the current incarnation of the Dodger Dog. They sure don't look or taste like the O'Malley's used to make them. TMZ has the full story.

Pic courtesy of Wikipedia